>Rise and shine sunshine.

My post to you this morning is from my “work station” in my parent’s house- its really just the dining room table with all my research papers spread around it. My husband and I are housesitting for the week while the family is in Orlando with close friends from Texas. I really wish we could have joined them, but unfortunately Em has to work and I have grad school work on this glorious “Spring Break.” Big news… Em and I are leaving sunny SoFla and moving back to Tampa for the next year and a half. Em got a fantastic job offer with his old company in Tampa, and I will be focusing mainly on Grad School instead of work. Em has brought it to my attention that he does not want me to work 40 hours a week and do school at the same time anymore. I’ve been a neglectful wife spending most nights and weekends with my head in the books. I honestly appreciate the gesture and I think it will be for the best. Luckily, we’ve both lived there before and have friends who live in that area – as well as my townhouse to move back into. Its a bittersweet feeling. Great for the fact that him and I need to get away from this house, and that Em can finally have the breadwinning to make him feel more like the man I know he wants to be. Also great in that I won’t work myself into the ground anymore with school and work… but so sad in that I am leaving my best friend, my family, and my love of south Florida. This place is so unique and beautiful, and I know I’ll be back again.

So anywho- I’m trying out this staying at home thing for the week, my Doc is on vacay, so I used my PTO and decided it would be a great chance to get caught up on work. As you can see it is now 11 am and I have yet to start typing my research paper for the day. *Sigh* If this is a reflection of how it is going to be in Tampa, then I seriously need to work on making a routine. I’ll get on that. So the plan for today is a little blog, a lot of writing, and some time outside doing yard work when the hubs gets home.

I sitll don’t know the direction I’m taking this blog yet, hopefully it will form over the next months as my move begins. Big changes in life ahead. Big. I’m teetering on sharing more of myself with the blog, I’m just a little hesitant to exposure on the internet past FB. Ahhh my crap is all out there anyway… what the heck.

Speaking of FB, they have this 30 day challenge going on where you make an album and fill it with photos that explain some part of you. Sooo… instead of doing it on FB … I’ll try and do a little something on here daily with photos and myself. So today is – posting a photo of something that makes you happy. Today I woke up at 10, the first time in eons I have slept in past 8 am, and I ran to the coffee pot. This blog is dedicated to the nice piping hot cup of coffee I am currently sipping while noshing on my yummy madeline.

Coffee oh coffee, how you put on a smile on my face. Honeslty, this photo is 2-fold. Two things that I am madly in love with- the sea and that big white cup of cafe.

Image credit: http://globalsurfadventures.co.uk/2009/08/


>Caution: This product may be harmful to your health.

If this can be placed on cartons of cigarettes, bottles of vodka, and that hallucinogenic stuff Miley Cyrus ‘bonged,’ why can’t we put it on humans?

I know its been some time since I’ve blogged, but in all honesty between the holidays, my husband being sick, and the start of graduate school- I really haven’t had a second to breathe.

So back to my post, now that my apologies are done… I was giving into my daily social network fix and came across a relationship status change for an ex-boyfriend. Mind you, I in NO WAY have any sort of emotional ties to this guy anymore. Never in a million years would I want to torture myself with seeing or talking to him again. Anyway… he is now dating some poor girl. And as soon as I saw that innocent soul’s face, I immediately wish I had her number so that I could warn her about all the things no one ever warned me about. I know, I know, impossible. Every relationship starts out with a ‘honeymoon phase’ and then drifts into troublesome waters. Some couples are able to navigate to safe shores, while others drown in turmoil and drift apart. They are in that honeymoon phase and I honestly wish I could somehow get through to her before she gets her heart broken. I know you’re saying, “C’mon, give the guy a chance.. maybe he’s changed.” Here’s the thing- I would, except for the fact that I know we won’t ever change. He had 8 years to change even after all cards were laid on the table and we were in an open relationship… and well… he never even did anything to make things better. So that’s where we ended. And when I fell in love with my husband, I realized just how love worked. That in an equal relationship you shouldn’t have to pull hair to get someone to help you out. That equality meant giving 100% and 100% from each person, and that if someone really loved you and wanted to be with you – not even mother nature or 300 miles could stop them from seeing or being with you. I am forever grateful for my angel, my husband. The man who showed me that love was right in front of my face all along, and the man who saved me from being a single feminist for life. lol.

Anyway, here’s my warning label which I am placing on my ex-boyfriend via the internet for all the world to see:

CAUTION: May have the tendency to induce heart conditions such as Broken and Hurt heart as well as cause long periods of unnecessary painful wailing and sobbing. Prone to pathological lying, drug use, cheating, inability to follow simple instructions (ex. not calling when asked to), insensitivity, and inability to show emotions. Lacks important necessary life aspirations such as (but not limited to): family development, career oriented goals, financial budgeting ability, social skills (in regards to mate’s family), monogamy, and possess severe commitment phobia.

>Today I did some last minute Christmas shopping at one of my most favorite kitchen supply stores- Sur la Table. In the instant I started roaming the isles looking at all of the new “French Country” decor and cutlery, I began daydreaming about my future kitchen. And so, I am dedicating this post to all the beautiful French countryside cottages and farmhouses which have inspired my vision of my dream kitchen.

The kitchen I’ve been fantasizing about has been a colaboration of inspiring images and flavors from movies I’ve seen. I think about the old World War I French farmhouse that Lucienne has in the movie Flyboys, the kitchen and home Julia Child owned in France in the movie Julie & Julia, and the World War I Farmhouse that my favorite restaurant, The 94th Aero Squadron, resides in.

Now if only I could get my hands on all those amazing pots, pans, and cooking utensils that Julia Child had back in France!
I dream about the washed and neutral woods, the white dishes, the grey colors, and the bright sunlight coming in through the windows…
 But I also dream about the hanging pots, stone ovens, gas stovetops, and a crackling fire.
 How beautiful would this quote be in your kitchen? A French favorite from the book, Le Petit Prince: “On ne voit, bien qu’avec le coeur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.” Translated to English: “One sees well only with the heart. The essential is invisible to the eyes.” Beautiful.
 I dream of glass and porcelain jars filled with the freshest of herbs and spices… lining my countertops and sparkling in the sunlight.

 Herb gardens in mason jars.

I can even smell my most favorite herb in my kitchen- lavender- sitting in bundles of bright purple against the whites and greys of the countertops.

And in my kitchen there will always be hot tea and baguettes or croissants on those worn wooden tables, a large window as a conversation piece, and good company to make life all the more worth living.

C’est la vie

>Ahh religion. The basis of centuries of wars, genocide, and… well… debate.

I’m not here to tell you what to believe in or who to pray to; just to discuss some current issues I’ve been coming across in my own life. It all began this past Sunday when we were kindly invited to a celebrate a Christmas service with my husband’s cousin and his wife at their church. I’m 100% open to attending services of other religions and learning about their beliefs and traditions. My husband was supportive to the idea as well, and so we accepted the invitation to spend some time with them and have a delicious dinner afterward.

The service was beautiful. It was a chilly winter night and we were in a small chapel in downtown Fort Lauderdale. The sounds of piano, violin, guitar, trumpet, and the voices of angels filled the air. We had numerous readings and a meaningful ‘meditation’ on the day’s gospel. I sang my heart out and even participated in their version of Communion. We ended the service with candlelight to ‘Silent Night’ and as we left, were greeted with welcoming parishioners who were delighted that we had attended. During the ceremony, I noticed that my husband, lets call him Em, did not want to partake in the Communion. Instead of prodding any further- I let the rest of the night go on and then waited until we were alone to start my questioning.

On the drive home, we perused the topic of religions and I dared to ask Em why he didn’t go up for Communion. Em replied that he, “Never felt worthy enough,” for Communion at any service he’s ever been to. He went on saying that the people who partake in Communion he felt, were those who truly deserved to; those who spent countless Sundays at church and hours reading the bible. He then proceeded to say that he wasn’t sure how he felt about this ‘God’ that we have been taught about since we were introduced to Christianity. He said that he didn’t really know if there was this one being named ‘God’ who made all of us, for what reason he did, and did religion really give us an excuse to sin and repent. He was confused at how all of our mistakes could magically disappear just by going to church.

He had some valid points, and truthfully, I had been in that position many a times, and even to this day I still question my religion. I attempted to pacify his racing questions by telling him that the idea of questioning whether or not there was a ‘God’ was the basis of faith. Faith is literally taking a leap of faith. No one has the answers and so we believe in this ‘being’, as a reasoning for us during our time here on earth. I then proceeded to say that just because one goes to church on Sundays doesn’t make him or her sin-free. One has to truly deep down in their heart be sorry for wrongs and willing to turn things around- and then actually go and make those changes happen. Em understood, but then continued to say that he didn’t feel comfortable in many services and really hasn’t found a religion he can truly relate to. I don’t know why, but initially it kind of bugged me. I mean, I married this man, thinking he was of Christian faith, and under the impression that we would be raising our children as such. Sometimes God is such a central and necessary figure to have in marriage. Many times when life gets rough it is some where for many couples to turn to- whether it be to Allah, Buddha, or Lord God himself. I had to tell myself to calm down and try to be understanding. So… I asked him for a favor. I asked Em to start researching religions, and learning more about them so that he could find where he felt comfortable. Some place where we could share in our God together and build our family around it, so that when the world falls apart around us, we still have each other- and him.

Em agreed to do some researching and I’m sure you won’t hear the last of my religious posts. I know its a hot topic and many people get steamed over religion- I mean- look at the history of the world. Isn’t that enough evidence of heated believers and non-believers? I can identify with Em on a lot of religious issues- especially in my own faith.

Having grown up in a home where my father was Jewish and my mother a Roman Catholic, I was exposed to both and had my own choice to make. I attended Sunday school and taught some classes as well. I used to appear at mass each Sunday and was involved with church carnivals and the like. Then I grew older, and wiser, and maybe a little bit more tainted from things I began to see in the world. Images of children dying with cancer or heartless terrorists blowing up innocent people… I would often wonder- how could MY God allow such horrible things? I then began to think, does God really care if I attend church every Sunday, even if I still believe in him the same? Is it truly necessary for me to tell my sins to a Priest in order to be forgiven when I can tell God myself in my prayers each day? Is it absolutely necessary to be married in a church when I can marry my husband in our favorite place and still love him and God just the same?

Obviously, not all aspects of Roman Catholicism appeal to me, and so I pick and choose what exactly I believe in. Regardless, it still feels like home to me, and I still call myself a Catholic. I do however have to say that my interest in Judaism has been sparked. Maybe it was my exposure to the religion while growing up. All the fond memories of finding the matzah or maybe the excitement in lighting the menorah. It is the basis of my own religion and I have so much to learn about it. I’m sure that some more research with Em will give us much more knowledge and understanding in order to make a decision that the both of us are comfortable with. I’m hoping that sometime in the near future (as in before we have our children) we have found a home and our God together, so that when hurricane winds blow- our foundation can still stand strong.

>Wanderlust, wan-der-lust, [won-der-luhst]- noun A strong, innate desire to rove or travel about.

I don’t know when it began, maybe some where about the time of my 7 year relationship ending, the last semester of nursing school and college coming to a close, or the moment when I realized that life was too short to take it for granted as I watched patients die every day in the ICU. Some where in that mess I developed an intense desire to go balls-to-the-wall. I started outdoor skydiving, indoor skydiving, surfing, running half marathons, going to trapeze classes, traveling, and planning on taking flying lessons. I was determined to ride this roller coaster called ‘life’ with my hands flailing all over the place and end it with my body ragged and saying, “Man! What a ride!”

When you’re fresh out of college you don’t have a million dollars or even a week of vacation at work, but somehow I managed to take 3 day and weekend trips to various places in the United States and Caribbean. Time moved on, my relationships became more serious, and life began to settle down. I now spent my weekends wedding planning and spending time with my fiance (now husband), family, and friends instead of conquering the world like I had dreamed.

Well, it hit me again. Hard in the head and heart. I think it was a combination of changes at work, begining grad school, watching Eat, Pray, Love, and talking about starting a family of our own- that finally made me realize- if I didn’t attempt to travel again now, I probably will never get the chance to do it. It’s liberating when you come to the realization that you’re 25, healthy, financially stable, married without kids, have no animals to take care of, and only have a small portion of rent to pay for. The world began to seem endless again, and I started day dreaming of all the places my husband and I could go to. There is nothing holding us back. I repeat to myself on a daily basis, “If you don’t do it now, you never will.”

So therefore; this post is dedicated to all of the beautiful places I have wanderlust for. There’s no particular order, it’s just a compilation of the most beautiful and exciting places in the world you could ever dream of. These National Georgraphic type images cloud my head day and night and fill my heart with so much excitement and yes… wanderlust. Sit back, strap in, put your tables in their upright position, and enjoy the ride!

Destinations I daydream of:

The South Pacific-Bora Bora, Tahiti, Hawai’i, Samoa, Fiji and all of French Polynesia. Imagine eating the freshest and finest french seafood, climbing mountains and volcanoes, living in the sea and sleeping in overwater bungalows.

Europe- Have a a beer in a pub in London, play golf in Scotland, roam Rome, ride a gondola and eat pizza in Italy, fall in love again in Paris, dance all night in Ibiza and Mykonos, drive on the autobahn in Germany, and shop in Prauge.

Africa- Stand in awe at the sights of the great Pyramids and Nile in Cairo, Egypt, then eat and bask in the architecture of Morocco. Take a float in the dead sea. Ride a camel through the Sahara and do a safari on the beautiful savannahs. Swim near a great white and look over cliffs in Capetown while enjoying the art and music in Johannesburg. Leave the continent and head to The Canary Islands or Dubai where there and ONLY there can you go skiing in the desert.

East Aisa- Visit monks and find the Yeti in Nepal, gawk at Mt. Everest, then head south to India to be greeted by the land of brilliant colors and spices. Travel then to Thailand and pray to the Buddha while relaxing in a hut on the island of Phuket.

South/Central America- Ride a wave and zipline through the rainforests of Costa Rica, then travel to Rio in Brazil to see some of the most beautiful people in the world. A short ride to Argentina for a REAL Argentinian steak and a climb the mountains in Peru to see Machu Pichu.

Far East- Off to Japan for real Japanese sushi and revel in the cherry blossoms along the mountain sides. A boat to Australia will bring the curiosity of the Aboriginal people, the hopes to see a kangaroo, and the desire to dive the Great Barrier Reef. And lastly, a trip back to Bali to find paradise in dark wooded Bali huts and vast sparkling waters.

And eventhough this may all seem a distant dream, it will remain for me a lifelong goal. We will travel the world and truly learn of all the beauty it has to offer. One day.

> 1. I’ve come to realize that my butt:
Is where all the black beans & rice went… good LORD it’s huge. But that butt says a lot about where I’ve come from. lol.

2. I’ve come to realize that when I talk:
I really try to think about what I say before I say it, and how it affects those listening.

3. I’ve come to realize that, when I love someone:
I give them all of me and don’t hold back- I fall head over heels.

4. I’ve come to realize that I need:
to give myself all that I deserve- never settle and never sell myself short.

5. I’ve come to realize that I lost:
nothing. There’s always a rhyme & a reason for everything.

6. I’ve come to realize that I hate it when:
people waste time on petty situations. I’ve seen too much life and death in my career- It’s helped me to get rid of the crap in my life that just doesn’t matter.. because in the end all you have is yourself and those who love you.

7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk:
the truth will come out. I laugh loudly and let my hair down. It’s my cuban loudness to the 9th degree.

8. I’ve come to realize that money:
is a pain in my ass that will never go away. I only need it to eat and put shelter over my head, and it won’t ever buy happiness.

9. I’ve come to realize that most people:
are too busy to see the real reason they are here. Most people need to stop and truly live life for every day they’re given.

10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always be:
me. And no one can take that away.

11. I’ve come to realize that I have a crush on:
a man that I will probably never have a chance with again. And you know what- that’s ok, because there’s someone out there that will bring me more happiness and love than I could have ever imagined possible, even if it isn’t him.

12. I’ve come to realize that the last time I cried It was:
a long time ago. Crying stopped when I realized that life is too short to worry about the small stuff.

13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone is:
my friend and my enemy.

14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning:
I was at ease to remember that I was in a house with a whole lot of love and memories.

15. I’ve come to realize that before I go to sleep at night:
I think of my aspirations, I think of all the things I’m thankful for, I say a prayer for everyone who needs help, and say a prayer for myself so that I can be strong and wise the next day to make all the best choices in life.

16. I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
making a major move in my life. My family dynamics are changing and they are most important to me. It’s almost time to move where I’m needed… I know it even if they won’t say a word to me.

17. I’ve come to realize that babies:
are the product of love, and not necessarily the love of two people. But the love of God- surely he makes some beautiful creatures.

18. I’ve come to realize that when I get on Myspace:
I love to read and see the changes in my friends’ lives. It’s exciting and amazing to see how life changes and where each road takes us.

19. I’ve come to realize that today I will:
enjoy the time I have with my family and friends.

20. I’ve come to realize that tonight I will:
sleep soundly.

21. I’ve come to realize that tomorrow I will:
live tomorrow as it comes.

22. I’ve come to realize that I really want to:
remain happy, remain independent, live my life to the fullest, never pass up a chance, do everything I can, go everywhere I can, accomplish all I set out to do, continue to touch and change people’s lives, provide love and life to my present and future family, and keep a good head on my shoulders.

>This is a place for my head, my thoughts, the parts of me. I’m going to attempt to write here in my space as often as I can. Words are good soul food. Input from others provides insight and different points of view. This is my hundredth blog, but this one will be different from the rest. I will remain anonymous. If you find me- you find me. If no one reads, then it is but for myself, but if you happen to stumble upon my thoughts, then leave a comment. Tell me what you feel. Probe my brain, arouse my feelings, awaken my senses. I’m here to learn more about myself- through myself and through others.

.2008 intentions.
I refuse to call them my New Years resolutions. They are never truly resolving much of anything. They are more my intentions to improve upon myself- modes of betterment, ways to enhance what already is.

` `Be happy with my life and job

If I am not happy living where I am, I should move. If I do not like my job, I should seek a fulfilling profession. If I feel that I am not accomplishing things, I should set out to accomplish more.

“Eat Intuitively

No diet. Eat foods that make me feel better. More emphasis on fresh, savor the sweet and delectables. Each slowly, think about my food, eat like the French and make meals celebrations. Eat to live not live to eat.

“Tone my bodice

Not work out like a madwoman. Yoga as often as possible, hot yoga to detox. Enjoy a run, be outdoors, swim, walk, bike ride. Love my body and accept it.

“Find my way back to home

By home I mean the religion I once breathed. I miss my spirituality. I seemed to have lost it somewhere with a disbelief that a heavenly host exists in much that I’ve experienced and all that I’ve seen happen to people in my profession as a nurse. Attending Mass, praying, meditating

“Reveling in the sea.

Obtaining my scuba license. To breathe in an environment not meant for humans, to learn to love and appreciate life and creatures which I have not yet seen.

“Be a vagabond

Travel. Travel. Travel. Get away from my comfort zone, experience all there is. Learn, be cultured.

“Ink me

Mark my skin to remind myself that I should always strive to be like a lotus blossom- wise, and forever blooming and growing.


Pick up the phone and call family. No excuse this time around. They will not be here forever, and neither will I. Time never spent, is forever lost.

“Certificate thyself

Yogi, forensic nurse, nursing informatics, ACLS…. all should be worked on. CEU’s up to date.

“Embellish my hobbies

Photography, interpretation of languages, books, dance, sketching, painting, music, surfing….. do all I can with hobbies.

“Develop my company

Work with another to develop and pursue dreams. Sketch, color, create reality.

“Write a book

serious, quotes, thoughts, silly, children, experiences, life….. when you’ve always wanted to write… do it.